Dear Annie: I married my high school sweetheart 39 years ago. She is the only woman I have ever slept with, although I am not her only man.
When our second daughter was born, her new employer paid the hospital bill. I never suspected anything then, but she started working late and going out for drinks while I stayed home and took care of the kids. I became suspicious and one night found her embracing her boss in the parking lot of their office building.
I now regret staying with her. I wanted to honor my marriage vows and see that my children were raised with two parents. It hasn't been worth it. A year ago, my wife convinced me to sign a separate property agreement where she got all of the hard assets and the house, and I got to keep personal items along with my business. She then took all of our joint funds and placed them in new accounts and purchased property with her boss. I now pay her $2,000 a month for household expenses.
I am now 60. I have worked hard, but am no longer motivated to support my wife in any way. I went to counseling because I was so angry. She went for one session and wouldn't talk about it. I will not cheat on her, but I truly believe that if I were to die, she would move into her boss' house without hesitation.
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I could get a divorce and move far away, but I could not leave my girls and grandchild. I know my wife would spin the situation to make it seem that I am a failure and she is giving them everything. I don't want to play her game anymore, but I'm stuck trying to figure out what to do next. -- Finally See the Light, But It's Not Brighter
Dear Finally: Being a loving spouse does not mean being a doormat. You have allowed your wife to walk all over you and that includes signing over property to someone you don't trust. Your children are grown, and we can assure you that they know more about your marriage than you think. Talk to a lawyer, a good therapist and both of your daughters, and then get out of this mess. Your wife cannot "spin" the situation if you don't permit it.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from "A Mother," who worried about her 36-year-old son's violent Facebook posts.
Please suggest that she flag these posts on Facebook. On the top right hand corner is a little arrow. When clicked, you can choose "report" and then select a reason why. This will inform Facebook that something inappropriate has been posted and they can review it. The person who posted it will get a notification from Facebook that their post might be taken down. The complaint is anonymous, the son will get the message and maybe stop posting these things, and Mom won't be the bad guy. -- Facebook Friend
Dear Friend: Thanks for the suggestion. Hopefully, Mom (or her son's wife) will report these posts to Facebook.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcreators.com or write to Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. You can also find Annie on Facebook at Facebook.com/AskAnnies.
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