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Annie's Mailbox: Former classmate's messages confuse woman

Dear Annie: While in high school in the late 1970s, there was this guy, "Scott," who had a crush on me. Nothing transpired back then, so fast-forward 30 years.

A month ago, I received a Facebook friend request from Scott. Of course, I accepted and found out he and his wife are separated. I also looked at his friends' list and noticed he had friended a few other people, including my sister. I didn't think much about it at the time. I knew that my sister had a new boyfriend, although she claimed I didn't know him.

For the past three weeks, I have been receiving his Facebook messages. He said that I looked good, and I thought maybe he wanted to rekindle the crush from high school. But I noticed that whenever he would log off, my sister would also log off. It turns out he's been seeing my sister, who lied that I didn't know her new boyfriend. She just broke off a relationship in November with a guy from my high school class, and now she is on to another one.

In his last message to me, Scott told me he was seeing my sister and hoped I was OK with it. Annie, I barely spoke to the guy in high school. Sure, we dissected a frog together in biology class, but that was about it. He waits 30 years, adds me as a friend and sweet talks me, but dates my sister? Was he asking my permission?

I don't understand this. I didn't respond to his last message and I unfriended him. I felt he was fishing on Facebook for a new girlfriend, and my sister took the bait. Was I reading too much into these messages? -- Totally Confused in Indiana

Dear Indiana: We can understand the confusion over what seems to be mixed messages, but this isn't worth getting your hackles up. It's been 30 years since high school. He can date anyone he wants, including Sis. Yes, they should have been upfront about it instead of making it seem sneaky and dishonest. But really, who cares? Wish them both well and then forget about it.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Momzilla's Mother," whose daughter was so overprotective that she monitored which shampoo Grandma could use on her child. You were spot on when you said the granddaughter will eventually bring her mother's overprotectiveness to an end.

My mother was a Momzilla, and convinced I was in terrible danger unless she supervised every minute of my life. By the time I was 12, I had developed myriad ways to hide my activities from her endless obsession. She deprived herself of ever knowing me as an individual and lamented the "loss" of my love until the day she died. Because I had so much going on that she was unaware of, I didn't feel I could come to her for advice, and as a result, made mistakes that have haunted me for years.

Momzilla is setting herself up for future bitter disappointment. But if anyone has found a way to make such a person aware of the damage she's doing to herself and her daughter, I've never heard of it. -- Momzilla's Daughter

Dear Daughter: How sad for you and your mother. We would like to think that Momzillas everywhere will read this and consider it a wake-up call.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcreators.com or write to Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. You can also find Annie on Facebook at Facebook.com/AskAnnies.

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