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Abby: Party guest feels left out from subtle special treatment

DEAR ABBY: I was invited to a small gathering of women. I arrived punctually, was greeted by the hostess and asked if I wanted some water to drink. I accepted. As I looked around the room, everyone else had a glass of wine. When one other woman arrived a little while later and joined our group, the hostess asked her if she wanted wine or water to drink.

I have never abused alcohol. Why was I not given a choice? I later found out that all the other women had been given a "show up" time that was a half-hour earlier than my "show up" time.

I am hurt by the way I was treated. What are your thoughts? -- Second-Class Citizen

DEAR SECOND-CLASS CITIZEN: I think your hostess could learn a few things about hospitality, because you were treated shabbily. As it stands, you have nothing to lose by asking her why because I can't imagine that you would ever accept another invitation from the woman if one is offered.

DEAR ABBY: At what point should grown kids in their 20s pay for their own "extras" (cellphone, gas, movies, gym memberships)? In my opinion, if they can't afford these luxuries, they should get a second job or do without. My husband, on the other hand, thinks they should be "rewarded" simply for being good kids.

At this stage in their lives, I think gifts should be reserved for birthdays and Christmas only and that we have been raising kids with a sense of entitlement that may be detrimental to their future (and to our retirement). What are your thoughts on this? -- Odd Woman Out

DEAR ODD WOMAN OUT: My thoughts are these: If you are truly concerned that your husband's generosity could have a negative impact on your retirement savings, then he may be overly generous. If the "children" expect these gifts and don't realize how lucky they are to be receiving this kind of largesse, the gifts should be stopped. However, if neither of these things is true and your husband derives pleasure from doing this for them, you should stay out of it.

Secrets that can pose a danger shouldn't be kept because they are not harmless. I think your instinct is to share your concerns with your parents, and I concur.

Dear Abby, written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. © 2015 UNIVERSAL UCLICK.

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