Saying goodbye from a screen. Coronavirus changes how Coast families pay last respects.
Most everything in our lives has changed in the past few weeks, even funerals.
The reality is that death does not stop for anything, said Jeff O’Keefe Jr., president of Bradford O’Keefe Funeral Homes, and funeral directors have to be flexible and families have to adapt during the coronavirus pandemic.
Guidelines that prohibit gatherings of more than 10 people and social distancing of 6 feet aren’t conducive to funerals, where large groups of families and friends gather and hugging is the norm.
The hardest part as a funeral director, said Sonya Williams-Barnes with Lockett-Williams Mortuary in Gulfport, is not being able to give a hug or comforting touch on the shoulder to a grieving family member.
It’s been difficult, said Chad Riemann, president of Riemann Family Funeral Homes. “Our whole purpose is to provide care in the hardest times in someone’s life,” he said.
They still are doing that, he said. It’s just taking a different form.
Funerals in age of coronavirus
▪ Since the first coronavirus case in Mississippi was reported on March 11, funeral homes are offering to stream services online to family and friends across the country. “My mom and I are here in Virginia watching and are so thankful for this link,” one person wrote after logging to see the funeral for a woman from the Coast.
▪ Only 10 family members are allowed at a funeral, whether it’s in a funeral home, a church or graveside.
▪ At Biloxi National Cemetery families can witness funerals but should do so from their cars.
▪ Even obituaries have changed. The line “in lieu of flowers” has been changed in many cases to “a memorial service will be held at a later date.”
Something old, something new
In some ways the pandemic has turned back the clock, Riemann said, reminding people what is important and bringing families together.
His company delivered a deceased’s casket to a home for a private service among family members who he said have been together for the past month. A home funeral was something that was more common 60 or more years ago, he said.
In other ways, the coronavirus speeded change in the way funerals are handled.
“It catapulted us into the technology world that the funeral business was slow to get into,” Riemann said. The services are becoming more personal, and one recent funeral on the website includes a graveside performance of “Amazing Grace.”
Williams-Barnes said some families are having a virtual funeral and others chose to do a viewing for 10 or fewer people.
Graveside services allow 8-9 immediate family members and the pastor with a megaphone to be near the casket, with funeral directors standing off to the side. Other family and friends remain in their cars, she said, and are able to be part of the committal service.
Safety for employees
Riemann said they handled arrangements for a person who died from the coronavirus, and the family chose not to have a service.
His company also handled the funeral for a couple from Long Beach who held hands as they both died from the virus.
The procedure his staff follows for someone who dies of the virus is something his team is educated and trained to do, he said. “We take what we call universal precautions,” he said.
The Centers for Disease Control and the National Funeral Directors Association have issued guidelines for funerals. A person who dies of coronavirus can be buried or cremated, the guidelines say, unless additional state and local requirements say differently. Embalming can be conducted, but the guidelines say people should consider not touching the body of someone who has died of COVID-19.
The cremation process would destroy any virus a person might have, O’Keefe said. Their operator already takes precautions and is taking all the preventative measures that are advised, he said, as are his entire staff.
“We all have our own families to go home to,” he said,
Mixed reaction to restrictions
O’Keefe said some families have been extremely upset by the circumstances, with the coronavirus adding stress to a time when there already is a lot of emotion.
“Once we inform everyone this is how it has to be people are pretty much cooperative,” said Williams-Barnes.
Some families are completely understanding that funeral plans have to change, Riemann said. One person posted during an online funeral, “She would’ve been so happy with this service.”
People adapt, Williams-Barnes said. “We’re more resilient than we thought we are. We learned that from (Hurricane) Katrina.”
Yet there are some who think the restrictions shouldn’t apply to funerals.
“A gathering is a gathering,” Riemann said. His funeral home is “firmly” limiting the service to 10 family members, he said, at the funeral home and at the cemetery.
High-profile funerals in South Mississippi since March 11 showed the challenges and opportunities to help families grieve. In one case hundreds of people came to the cemetery despite the funeral being streamed online.
Sharing services now and later
Bradford O’Keefe isn’t streaming all funerals on Facebook Live, just for those who ask for the service, O’Keefe said. Family and friends who want to watch a funeral and leave comments can like the Bradford O’Keefe Facebook page and view any of the streaming services.
“For the last 155 years, Bradford O’Keefe and our Gulf Coast Community have survived everything from catastrophic natural disasters to economic recession,” he posted on the page, “and we’ve seen the other side. We will see the other side of this.”
When that happens, O’Keefe said his company will offer a free memorial service at any of its locations to those families who had to postpone the service due to the coronavirus.
“This is different than other types of disasters because it’s happening worldwide,” Williams said.
Lockett-Williams Mortuary has been in business since 1948 and Williams is third generation in the mortuary business. In other disasters, people have come to the aid of the Coast or residents of South Mississippi have gone to help. Now it’s affecting everyone.
Riemann Family Funeral Homes, which has operated on the Coast for 100 years, will offer memorial services at no additional charge once the coronavirus crisis has passed, Riemann said. The funerals can be seen on their Facebook page, and for those who have difficulty logging into social media, the company offers help over the phone as people of all ages and computer abilities adapt during the coronavirus.
This story was originally published April 13, 2020 at 5:00 AM.
