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Let’s go to Larry in Long Beach on line two ...”
“Yo, dog, when are they gonna do something about the awful officiating in the SEC? Tennessee got hosed. They gave Mississippi State the shaft. Mike Slive is doing everything he can to make sure Alabama and Florida play in the SEC championship game ...”
“You’re right, Larry, that was a bad call in Starkvegas. And Lane Kiffin has a legitimate beef, too. Perception, as we know, is everything.”
“So what’s the SEC gonna do about it?”
“Reprimands, my man. Public reprimands. In Kiffin’s case, a threat of a suspension. That was a little out of character for Dan Mullen at Mississippi State. But Kiffin, dude’s got the conspiracy theorists in a tizzy ...”
“Whaddya mean?”
“Here’s the gem offered by the first-year Tennessee coach: ‘I’m sure we’ll get one of those (reprimands) that mean nothing, (one) that Bobby (Petrino) got last week, but Florida and Alabama live on.’ Not a lot of gray area there. OK, it’s Gilbert from Gulfport on line one ...”
“Florida and Alabama live on?”
“Music to the ears of CBS, mi compadre. What else ya got, Gilbert?”
“Is this the Ole Miss team everybody was hyping in August?”
“You would think, but the Rebs have got to do it on the road Saturday. They haven’t won at Jordan-Hare since Eli Manning’s senior year. And Auburn’s gotta be a better team than they showed at LSU ... OK, Lounge Lizard Lonnie, you’re up ...”
“Can Tim Tebow still win the Heisman Trophy?”
“Doubt it, Lonnie. But Florida plays Georgia on Saturday. National television, the cocktail party, all that. No one has really bolted from the pack for the Heisman. Alabama’s Mark Ingram might have a shot. It’s still pretty wide open ... Bobby from Bay St. Louis is on line three ...”
“Did you know Alabama has never had a guy win the Heisman?”
“I do now.”
“Why not?”
“I dunno, I thought Freddie Kitchens was a slam-dunk back in the day ... let’s go to Way-Out Willie in Waveland ...”
“How come LSU isn’t going to play Tulane anymore after Saturday?”
“To be fair, Willie, I’m starting to think Tulane needs to play in the Southland Conference. You know, Nicholls State, McNeese, Northwestern State ...”
“LSU doesn’t play them.”
“That’s my point ... Billy Ray in Biloxi, you’re on the air ...”
“That Tennessee-Alabama game nearly broke my achy-breaky heart ...”
“Relax. Billy Ray. The Tide’s still unbeaten. Florida’s back on top of both national polls. CBS’ dream matchup lives on ... Stewart in Saucier, you’re on the air ...”
“Where did Mike Slive go to school, Alabama or Florida ...”
“Try Dartmouth. Got his law degree at UVA. Sure, he’s got an officiating problem on his hands, but I think he’ll pull through it ...”
“Where do I find him? I gotta get to the bottom of this ...”
“Well, Stewart, go to Dallas, and find Dealey Plaza. There’s this grassy knoll ...”
Jim Mashek can be reached at 896-2333
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