Chatterbox needs to be told to shut it

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DEAR ANNIE: My husband and I are both retired. A year ago, we moved in order to be within driving distance of our three married children. We mentioned to our minister that we were new to the area, and he suggested social groups that meet at the church.

There are about a dozen women in my group. One of them dominates the conversation to such an extent that I haven’t really had an opportunity to get to know the others. “Helen” talks about her extensive travels, her beautiful garden, her children and grandchildren, and current happenings in the community ad nauseam, and has an uncanny talent for going on to another topic without a break. If anyone else tries to interject, she talks right over them.

Last week, my husband and I went to a free concert at the church. When Helen saw us, she waved for us to sit with her. She talked before, during and after each song. I came home with a headache.

I am about to drop out of the church group. I was taught that conversation is a two-way street. Must I wear earplugs? — Frustrated, Any City

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Nonstop chatterboxes seldom realize how irritating they are, and there is little you can do to shut them up. It’s also possible Helen is hard of hearing and talks incessantly so no one will expect her to respond to a question. Someone should take Helen aside and let her know that she needs to give others the opportunity to speak. Perhaps one of you can assign her the task of calling on each person so they feel included in the group. If no one is willing to do this, ask the minister to intercede on your behalf.

DEAR ANNIE: My fiance and I are getting married in June. We are in our 40s, and it’s not the first wedding for either of us. I am laid off from my job, and my fiance’s hours were drastically cut. We are trying hard to save for a modest wedding, and as long as we stay on track, we should make it. But here is my dilemma.

I’m not sure what to do when it comes to wedding gifts. We certainly don’t need any blenders or china, but we don’t want to be greedy by asking for monetary gifts that we could surely use.

Should we state on the invitation that gifts are optional or just leave it alone and see what happens? What is the proper etiquette for gifts at a second wedding? — Confused Bride

DEAR INDIANA: The etiquette is the same for all weddings — it is improper to mention gifts on the invitation. The best you can do is tell a few close friends and relatives of your preferences and let them spread the word to anyone who asks.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column, write Annie’s Mailbox. You can write them at Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.