Your Life

Friday, Nov. 06, 2009

Ill father’s new wife has taken all control

DEAR ANNIE: My parents divorced 18 years ago, and Dad has had numerous partners and wives since. Three months ago, Dad found out he had stage-four colon cancer. Two weeks after his diagnosis, he married “Sue.”

Here’s the problem: Before he was sick, Dad didn’t get along that well with Sue. They argued a lot, and my sisters and I thought he’d eventually break it off. Still, we were all polite to her and invited her to family gatherings. As soon as they married, Sue started pushing us away.

Dad recently came home. We are determined to do whatever we can to help and be with him until his final day. We used to come over to take out the garbage and mow the lawn, but now Sue has hired people. When we told Dad how upset we were, he said he is too sick to argue and Sue can do whatever she wants.

Dad just had a birthday. We gave him a puppy since he told us in the hospital that he wanted one to sit with him through chemo. Sue got rid of it. We think she is emotionally abusive to him.

We just want to be part of Dad’s life before we lose him. Any ideas? — Confused in Michigan

DEAR CONFUSED: This type of situation is sad but not uncommon. Sue needs to control everything in your father’s environment to cement her position as his wife. She fears you may influence him in a way that does not benefit her. If you think she is truly abusive, call the authorities. Otherwise, do your best to give Sue the control and respect she thinks she deserves to find a way to see your father and offer him some comfort.

DEAR ANNIE: My 16-year-old sister has aplastic anemia, a rare bone marrow disorder. She survives off weekly platelet and red blood cell transfusions. She was hoping to get a bone marrow transplant as soon as we could find a match, but none of her potential matches has panned out.

My lovely and amazing sister can only live off these transfusions for another two years, and then that’s that.

Please let your readers know they could save a life by donating bone marrow. All you have to do is have your mouth swabbed to be put into the system. If more people would do this, maybe we could find someone who is a good match for my sister. I would do anything to save her life, but I need help. — Carrie

DEAR CARRIE: You are a loving sister, and we hope a match will become available. Those who are willing to participate in this lifesaving procedure can get more information through the National Marrow Donor Program (marrow.org), 3001 Broadway Street N.E., Suite 100, Minneapolis, MN 55413-1753.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, are at Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.