Sis gets invites, she gets the shaft

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DEAR ANNIE: Seven years ago my mother had a stroke and has never been the same mentally. My aunts wanted her put in a nursing home, but my sister and I decided Mom would spend six months each with me and with my sister.

Seven years later my mother still lives with me. I am totally burnt out. My sister will help out with one doctor’s appointment and then withdraw, claiming she can’t do any more.

I am near retirement. I am resentful of the respect my sister gets from the family when they invite her to functions along with my mother, but don’t include me. How do I change my situation? — Used and Neglected

DEAR USED: You need to be more assertive about your needs. It’s possible your relatives think you need a break and this is why they invite Mom alone, so tell them this is not acceptable. Ask if there is something lacking in your home hospitality so you can fix it. Then say you are hurt and insulted when you are excluded from family gatherings. You also have allowed your sister to avoid her obligations. Set up a schedule so she knows when she is responsible for taking Mom to an appointment, and if she refuses, ask her to contribute financially so you can hire someone to do the things she is unwilling to do.

DEAR ANNIE: I am 17. My mom does not like my girlfriend, “Taylor.” She says Taylor is too young and immature. Taylor is 15 and very sweet and kind. She’s never done anything to make my mom dislike her.

Mom still likes my ex-girlfriend. She has said, “I can’t find anything to like in Taylor.” But that’s because she doesn’t want to. Her attitude really hurts me. Mom and I get in a lot of fights over this. How can I make her see my side of things and respect my feelings for Taylor? — Unhappy Teen

DEAR TEEN: As much as we don’t care for your mother’s dismissive attitude, we have to agree Taylor is a little young for you right now. Seventeen-year-old boys can get into a great deal of trouble with 15-year-old girls, and you would be wise to wait until she is 16. Other than that, however, your mother may have developed an attachment to your old girlfriend and is reluctant to let her go. Give it time.

DEAR ANNIE: You’ve printed a few letters about the provocative way some women dress. Am I the only one put off these days when I turn on the morning news and see a skin flick?

What is it with news ladies and their low-cut tops? I’m not an old fogy. I’m in my early 50s. A true lady can dress nicely without having her chest hang out. — Turned Off Again

DEAR TURNED OFF: Producers and advertisers believe sex sells, so they will use it as long as it appears to be effective. Of course, it tends to apply mostly to women.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column, write Annie’s Mailbox. Please send your questions to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.