Dear Abby: We have an adult son and daughter who can't handle money and can't keep a job. Should we tell them they are NOT going to inherit everything we have when my wife and I are gone?
We have bailed them out of trouble more than once, but they don't seem to learn. They are in their 30s and 40s and neither one is looking for a job. Anything we left them would soon be squandered, and there are many organizations that could put the money to good use. We would leave them something, but nothing like what they expect. So: Tell them or not? -- PERPLEXED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR PERPLEXED: In the back of my mind is echoing the Boy Scout motto, "Be prepared." You should definitely tell your "children" now, while there's still time for them to get off their posteriors and start preparing for their financial futures.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a gay teen who wants to come out and possibly be in a relationship. Many students at school have come out recently, and everyone seems to be embracing our sexual diversity. However, I suspect that many of the kids who have come out may have done it to seem "cool" and be popular. I'm not trying to denounce them for who they believe they are, but it seems to be the hot thing at the moment to be bisexual or gay because so many mainstream celebrities have come out of the closet.
Because of this, many gay students are being bullied by kids who say they're only doing it for attention and popularity. I don't want to be subjected to the same bullying they are when I really am attracted to the same sex. -- CLOSETED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR CLOSETED: If you don't find it safe to come out, my advice is to wait to do it. I find it interesting that your student body is open to accepting gay and bisexual peers, but would accuse some of them of being "secretly straight." What a switch!
Sexual orientation is a personal thing. No two people are identical in that department. According to sex researcher Alfred Kinsey, sexuality can be measured on a scale from zero (which is exclusively straight) to six (exclusively gay) and everyone is on it somewhere. It's not for others to declare where anyone else belongs.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I hang out with a group of six couples ranging in age from 24 to 74. One day, when three of us women went to lunch, I was complaining about the list of things that needed to be fixed in our home. My dear friend came up with a great idea that works very well, and I want to share it.
Once a month a couple will host a party at their home. The wives prepare a covered dish and we all bring any sort of beverage we would like, from tea to soft drinks, beer and wine. The men all get to work on the problem until it's fixed, and then we laugh and eat and drink together. It's so much fun. We call ourselves ... THE "HONEY DEW" GANG
DEAR GANG: I love the concept, which proves not only that "many hands make light work," but also that honeydew is more than a melon.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
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