Dear Annie: I've been with a wonderful gentleman for several years. Our biggest issue is that he has no idea how to make love.
At the beginning of our relationship, I would try to guide him on what felt good to me. He was a little clumsy about it and gradually lapsed into thinking a few kisses constituted sufficient foreplay. Meanwhile, I was doing everything for him. After a while, I became resentful of this one-sided sex, since he never touched my body. So now there is no sex at all.
Discussing it is not an option. He gets defensive. Therapy is also not an option. The truth is, I'm pretty satisfied the way we are. So too bad for him as he is simply not aware of why things are this way. -- Not Worth It
Dear Not: If you are satisfied with your nonexistent sex life and he isn't trying to make it better, so be it. We hope he has other qualities that make up for his unwillingness and inability to learn how to please his partner. Sometimes, sex therapy can help when talking becomes a source of friction. Your gentleman friend might be more willing to listen to an expert than to you. If you think that is worth pursuing, you can find someone through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists at aasect.org.
Dear Annie: I have a different perspective on the letter from "Annoyed," the woman who was upset because couples whom she introduced to her friends became friendly themselves.
I believe that encouraging new friendships is a good practice, not something to be avoided. "Annoyed" seems to be suffering from a case of envy, thinking that friendships can be taken "custody" of, and that she is a victim of rude behavior when others have a laugh and a nice conversation. Part of your answer -- to briefly introduce couples, then say, "Sorry we can't stay and chat" -- is just enabling her jealousy and anti-social attitude. Attempting to control people is not an act of friendship -- A True Friend
Dear Friend: You are very generous. Her problem was not that her friends enjoyed the company of her other friends, but rather that their conversation excluded her. This is rude. Here's one more with a different viewpoint:
Dear Annie: Tell "Annoyed" to completely avoid any couples who do this. It reminds me of my sister-in-law and her husband. Every time my husband and I were becoming tentative friends with a new couple, these in-laws would "take over," and these new people suddenly became "their" friends while my husband and I were left out in the cold.
But, oh, the daggers I would get any time I ran into my sister-in-law and attempted to initiate a sociable chat with one of her friends. Frankly, I enjoyed seeing her squirm, thinking I was somehow going to steal her friend. It validated my suspicions that she was insecure.
I refused to fight her over this and learned to move in my own circles rather than in hers. I'm much happier now. -- Just No Time for Shenanigans
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