Ranking the SEC

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@BR Boxtext bold lede colon:1. Alabama: Yo, Terrence Cody, the Tigahs are coming, and they’re gonna be aiming low. Know what I’m sayin’, homeslice? Last week: 1.

2. Florida: Gators’ Urban Meyer gets hit with $30,000 fine, told not to pass go, not to collect Mark Richt’s head on a swivel while he’s at it. Last week: 2.

3. LSU: My boy Carl Dubois is now writing for Tiger Rag. Excellent writer. An even better person. Check him out. Last week: 3.

4. Tennessee: My cousin, Dick Doty, is a UT grad and he left an obnoxious message on my voicemail with an off-key version of “Rocky Top” after Vols waxed South Carolina. Last week: 7.

5. Auburn: It’s been a rough-and-tumble, rock-’em, sock-’em coupla weeks in the SEC, and Gene Chizik’s Tigers have resurfaced from the abyss. Last week: 10.

6. South Carolina: Cluck, cluck, cluck, Stephen Garcia doesn’t even have time to duck. Last week: 4.

7. Georgia: Don’t think the black buckets worked out so well, Coach Richt. Paging John Lastinger, please come to the white courtesy phone. Last week: 6.

8. Ole Miss: Upshot from Jevan Snead’s struggles this year is that he’s likely to return for senior year instead turning to NFL Draft. Kid’s got some talent, needs some help. Last week:

9. Mississippi State: Vancleave’s Chris White has done a nice job in his first season in Starkvegas. And his MSU teammate, former SSC lineman J.C. Brignone, is about to become a dad. Yo, J.C., I’m the Mack of Daddy. Last week: 11.

10. Arkansas: You know, my neighbor’s bookie once wore a T-shirt that read, “Razorbacks, We Bad.” On the back, it shoulda said, “Pay up, or I’ll have your legs broken.” Last week: 9.

11. Kentucky: The Wildcats got a big dose of MSU’s Anthony Dixon last week, and they’re the worse for the wear. Last week: 8.

12. Vanderbilt: If you get up to Nashville, check out the Parthenon. That’s all I’ve got. Last week: 12.

Predictions

n Ole Miss 34, Northern Arizona 7

n Alabama 27, LSU 20

n Florida 49, Vanderbilt 10

n Arkansas 23, South Carolina 13

n Auburn 45, Furman 17

n Tennessee 34, Memphis 13

n Georgia 31, Tennessee Tech 6

n Kentucky 38, Eastern Kentucky 20

Last week: 5-2 (straight-up); 3-4 (vs. spread)