Posted on Thu, May. 08, 2008
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SEX CETERA: Honey, I fantasize about your sis during sex
By STEVE AND MIA
Philadelphia Daily News
http://www.philly.com/MOST-READ STORIES
Q: My fiancee and I are in our late 20s. We have been living together for two years. I love her a lot. She is very intelligent, and I find her very attractive. The problem? Let's just say that in bed, I have had better. Many of our sessions end without me "finishing." She had noticed this and asked me if she still excites me. I tried to fix things by fantasizing about other women during sex, but that only worked a few times. Then, things changed on our last visit to her parents. I was blown away by her 18-year-old sister. She was wearing a tramped-out Catholic schoolgirl outfit. I immediately began fantasizing about her. The results were amazing. The last month or so, our sex sessions have been great. My fiancee has noticed the difference. She is now a detective, inquiring about the changes. I don't know what to tell her. She once commented, when I asked her to dress up certain ways, that she could "just borrow these clothes from her sister instead of buying them." Does she know something? What do I tell her if she persists? I worry that if I play stupid, she will grow very suspicious that I'm doing something besides having fantasies.
Steve: Are you nuts? One of Steve's basic rules is: Never tell a woman you fantasize about her sister. Although that's not remotely as bad as actually flirting with her sister. Stick with being stupid and innocent. Here's what worries me. If you truly love your fiancee and are attracted to her, your sex life should be much better. You need to do some soul-searching to see if there is a larger issue here than what's happening in bed.
Mia: Fantasizing about my sister? Ick! If I ever heard that from a guy, I'd be horrified. But clearly you and your fiancee need to reboot. Saying you have had better and blaming her is not the right way to go. This is something you guys should be working on together. Come up with some new experiments to try together that take both of you out of your comfort zones. If you're going to get married, you need to work as a team.
Q: I'm a 29-year-old single male. I've never had any real problems with dating women until now. I was convicted of a DUI, and I've lost my license for seven months. Is there a way to keep women interested after you tell them that you don't have a license? Or should I just give up on dating for the next seven months? I live in South Jersey, so I'm not within walking distance of any good bars or restaurants. What can I do?
Steve: Take the train to Philadelphia. Everything will be within walking distance. The limitation is that you'll only be able to date Center City girls, and you can't bring anyone home. Of course, maybe one nice young woman will want to bring you home.
Mia: Can you move to Center City? Even just sublet for six months? Nobody in the city expects to be picked up in a car. And then you don't have to bring up the DUI business for a couple dates at least.
Q: My wife and I are in our 50s and live in Philly, where we've been in the same neighborhood for 20 years. Our eldest daughter recently got married and moved to Boston. She's about to have her first child. My wife has decided that I should try to get my work to transfer me up there so we can be near her. I think it's insane. My friends are here. I don't want to move. How do I get her to calm down?
Mia: I'd just try and slow things down. Tell her you can't do anything with work right now and promise she can take a long visit up there after the baby is born. Chances are she'll come to her senses.
Steve: Moving to be near your kids has a built-in problem. Kids don't stay put. After college, I lived in five different cities and towns in five years. I'm sure your daughter will appreciate all the help she can get from her mom when the baby arrives and will let her stay as long as she likes.
Steve (not his real name) is 50-something and has been married to his second wife for 20 years. Mia (not her real name) is a 20-something single immersed in the Center City dating scene. If you want answers to your romantic troubles, e-mail them at S&M@ph
