DEAR ANNIE: Twenty-eight years ago, I was married with three children. We moved to a small city and met "Jane and Doug" and their children. Jane and I became instant friends.
Jane began an affair with some guy she met at work, and at the same time, I became enthralled with Doug. I convinced Jane that she would be happier if she divorced, even though I knew Doug didn't want that. Nonetheless, we all divorced, and I moved in with Doug.
Ten years ago, Jane convinced her two sons to move back home and work for their father's company. Jane then left her boyfriend of 15 years and moved into her son's home. This is when my nightmare began.
Doug and I are members of a social club. Doug's sons joined the club, and then Jane joined so she could spend time with her sons. She invaded our lives. She is there whenever we are, sitting at the same table, playing pool, etc., and dancing with Doug. Jane is quite attractive, but won't date anyone. Doug feels sorry for her and obviously enjoys her attention.
I do not enjoy the club anymore. He knows how much this hurts me, but he will not be rude to Jane or tell her to go away. I've considered giving him an ultimatum, but I don't want to take the chance of losing him after 28 years. I really love him. Is there any way to resolve this? -- Unhappy and Frustrated
DEAR UNHAPPY: No one in this scenario is innocent. Nonetheless, you pushed Doug to get a divorce he didn't want, which means he may still have unresolved feelings about Jane. Please get counseling, preferably with Doug, and see whether the two of you can be honest enough to work this out.
DEAR ANNIE: I am a 16-year-old girl with long hair that falls three inches past my waist. The problem is, the parents of my friends always ask whether I'm going to donate my hair to Locks of Love. I don't want to. I like my hair the way it is, and it makes me feel guilty whenever someone brings it up.
How can I tell people I don't want to donate my hair without them thinking badly of me? -- Locks of Guilt
DEAR LOCKS: You should not feel pressured to do what makes you uncomfortable. Simply say that you are not ready to make this commitment. And should you ever reconsider, remember that hair grows back, and knowing you have helped someone else can make you feel wonderful.
To write to Annie's Mailbox, send to c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.