Your Life

Tuesday, Feb. 09, 2010

Mothers have right to worry, but not to snoop

DEAR ABBY: I am 20 and live most of the year on my college campus. I’m on a full scholarship, so my parents are not paying my tuition. Most of my mail — bank statements, etc. — still goes to my parents’ house as I don’t have a permanent address.

For the last two years, my mother has opened my bank statement and read the entire thing. She then calls me and goes through all of my card charges and checks, and asks me to explain where I was and what I bought.

I have tried telling her I am an adult and what I buy is my business, but she continues to do this every month. When I explained that I am capable of managing my own finances, she told me she was just worried about me and “a mother ALWAYS has the right to worry about her only child.”

I understand she will always be concerned about my well-being, financial and otherwise, but this is taking it too far. — College Co-ed in Williamsburg, Va.

DEAR COLLEGE CO-ED: A mother may always have the right to worry, but she does not always have the right to snoop. Because you have already tried explaining to her that you feel what she’s doing is an invasion of privacy and the message isn’t getting through, it’s time for you to open a post office box near the campus and have your mail sent there. It can be forwarded to you if you go home for the summers.

DEAR ABBY: “Katy” and I are in a loving relationship but have an ongoing argument in our home. Katy always sets the alarm clock for an hour before it’s time to get up — then hits the “snooze” button five times before actually dragging herself out of bed (which is usually even later).

Because I am a light sleeper, I’m forced to listen to the alarm clock and end up waking up earlier than I’d like. Can you please offer a solution? — Sleepless in South Carolina

DEAR SLEEPLESS: Earplugs for you. A cold foot on the behind for Katy.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.