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Author grills self over new book

My newest cookbook, "New South Grilling" (Hyperion, $29.95), had its national release last week. Since I am a food columnist, I will interview myself.

Columnist Robert: Good morning, Robert. Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to visit with me.

Author Robert: It's my pleasure, Robert. Actually, I was getting a little bored sitting here watching you do all of the typing.

Columnist Robert: Don't you think it's tacky, tasteless, narcissistic and egotistical to promote your own personal projects in your column?

Author Robert: Yes. But it's your column. You're the one asking the questions.

Columnist Robert: Tell me about your new cookbook.

Author Robert: I'd love to. The book is titled "New South Grilling." It's my seventh book in six years. I believe it's my best pure cookbook, so far. It has over 130 recipes and 82 color photographs.

Columnist Robert: Is this your first book with food photography?

Author Robert: Yes. My publisher sent a professional from New York. His name is Joey DeLeo, and we spent two weeks shooting all of the photographs for the book. He did a great job.

Columnist Robert: The photographs are great.

Author Robert: I know. The recipes are even better.

Columnist Robert: I don't want to feed your already overinflated ego, but didn't you act as the food stylist for the food photographs?

Author Robert: Yes, and thanks for slyly slipping that one in. My publisher asked me to be the food stylist. It was tedious at first. After the third day, I started to get the hang of it and eventually had a blast. I look forward to doing it again.

Columnist Robert: What makes this book different than other grilling books?

Author Robert: That's a leading question.

Columnist Robert: I know. I was throwing you a bone.

Author Robert: Thanks. The reason "New South Grilling" differs from other grilling books is that it's not filled with six chapters of instructions. I already assume that everyone knows how to light a grill, keep food away from the heat and make cross-hatch marks. The book is short on teaching, but long on flavor and photography. Also, I teach you the secret of not having your food stick to the grill.

Columnist Robert: What's the secret?

Author Robert: Buy the book.

Columnist Robert: All of your other books have been released in November. Why May?

Author Robert: Grilling is a summer-time activity, and Father's Day is just around the corner.

Columnist Robert: Is there anything you would like to add?

Author Robert: Yes. I would want everyone to know that the meager and measly profits the publisher will eventually send me from the sales of this book will go to clothe, feed and educate the two most wonderful children you have ever met. And trust me, they eat a lot.